Something that lost.

 it has been almost 3 years now.

i thought it gonna be better. i was struggling, i was fighting.

i was.... healing.

but day by day, the pain that supposed to be gone and be my pasts, has captured the weakest part of myself. i couldnt speak, i couldnt throw it from my mouth.

i couldnt tell how i feel.

i couldnt act like i can ignore it like before.

i couldnt hide it anymore.

i.... could not fake it.

i think because i've done it many times along all my 28 years life.

my border is fall apart.

the border... that supposed to protect my emotion, my feelings.

it hurts.

it is even hurt than everything , bcs i have nothing left to keep myself stronger.

my protection, my spirit.

i think i have lose over myself.